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Submitted on
November 22, 2012
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"Turn that shit off Reece! I've been putting up with it for hours!" Dad yelled.
Reece sat frozen; I think we were both frozen. It was a shock that Dad had yelled. And in such a vicious way, nor does he often swear. We're a religious family and Dad was stressing just for missing church this weekend, but mum had insisted that missing it just once in three years wasn't a big deal.  

[Narrator]: Did you ever find out what was wrong with your Dad?
[Patient]: No. Well, maybe I did but I can't remember.
[Narrator]: Never doubt yourself and say you can't do something without trying to do it first. Try to remember.
[Patient]: [long pause] I can't.
[Narrator]: Try harder.
[Patient]: [getting irritated] I can't!
[Narrator]: Would you like to go to sleep, perhaps some rest may help you remember?
[Patient]: Not yet. I would like some water please.
[Narrator]: I think it's best you get some rest. It's late.
[Patient]: You're right. I'll go.
[Narrator]: Would you like to make an appointment tomorrow Morning?
[Patient]: Yes.
[Recording end.]

Let's just say Reece didn't pick his Gameboy up for the rest of the drive. Since we live in Stockholm and the resort was in Goteborg, it was a fair drive. The scenery was beautiful, we were about a street away before I could smell the ocean, the ocean repulses me a lot; I have an intense fear of large bodies of water like pools and oceans, partly because I nearly drowned in one when I was quite young and from that I developed an intense fear of water. I didn't really like the idea of going to a resort where the main thing to do was go to spas and swim in heated pools because it's winter here.  Dad had interrupted my train of thought.

"Can you see that? Is the road blocked? Ah, you have to be kidding me!" Dad said impatiently.

"Calm down dad, there's an alternative route. It'll take another ten minutes, but at least we'll get there." I pointed to the map.

"No! I've been driving long enough!"

Before I knew it, we went airborne over the cut-off cones on the road. I wasn't certain why dad was acting like this, like he hasn't got time to do things any normal person would, he's taking more risks.  Mum always had said, and I quote "James, one day that job will drive you insane!" But now I think he's getting there, he's nearly always stressed, and I bet you it's that new job as a secretary for the government.

My dad's had this job for five months, but only recently has he drastically changed, the way he moves are swift and fast, his eating habits have changed and he always seems to be jumpy.

Recording started: 11:35a.m
[Interviewer]: Back to what you said about the fear of water. Do you mind telling me what happened?
[Patient]: Is it important?
[Interviewer]: It might trigger more memories.
[Patient]: There isn't any point, that happened when I was very young, maybe a toddler.
[Interviewer]: I still think it's relevant; could you please briefly go through what you remember?
[Patient]: [loudly sighs] Fine. It was a summer vacation and I had been hit over the head by my brother with his foot when he jumped in the pool, I was temporarily knocked out and I opened my eyes and I was under the water and I was frantically trying to find the surface and panicked, I inhaled a lot of fluid and nearly drowned, the lifeguards said that I could of died if they did not find me quick enough, to my parents relief they did.
[Interviewer]: And where were you swimming?
[Patient]: [hesitates] I don't remember.
[Interviewer]: Was it the same resort you went to with your family?
[Patient]: I don't know.
[Interviewer]: Just in case you're lying, please keep in mind that you have to tell me things in order for me to assist you in remembering.
[Patient]: I honestly can't remember, I was young.
[Interviewer]: Okay, perhaps it will come to you.
Recording finished: 12:05 a.m.

As soon as we got to the resort, I decided to call Xavier to let him know I won't be around for a while. I had a problem finding a pay phone I had to hop around the resort because the concrete was so hot. I walked into the booth and put the phone to my ear to hear a dial tone. I dial his number. No answer, Damn. If Xavier didn't know where I was, he would probably freak-out.

Recording continue:
[Interviewer]: Sorry to interrupt again, but what is your relationship to Xavier?
[Patient]: Oh, I thought you could pick it up. He's my boyfriend, but we've been on and off.
[Interviewer]: When was the last time you spoke to him?
[Patient]: I can't remember since the accident I haven't seen him. I've always tried calling from the pay phone but someone else always answer and it isn't him or his parents, so I'm not sure where they've gone.
[Interviewer]:  So what happened after you went to the phone booth?
[Patient]: Well, I went to go to our room to find…

I went to go to our room to find Mum so we could sunbake by the pool. On my way there, I strolled for a while; ignoring the excruciating pain below my feet. I zone out into my own thoughts, and somehow in the middle of that I didn't realise I'd forgotten my way back to our room or which floor, or room it was. So I just sat by the pool hoping that someone would come down looking for me.

After a while of sitting there, again casted in my own thoughts in another alternative reality, a shadow is casted over my legs and I look up thinking it might be mum, but it's not. He startled me, not because he was there… But because he was so amazingly good looking. Dark hair, tanned, tall, beautiful smile; and then the deep voice that makes girls weak at the knees.

"Hello. I'm Oliver and I couldn't help but notice that you're sitting by yourself. Would you like some company?" He spoke smoothly.

I was in shock, what was a guy like him talking to a girl like me? Why wasn't he talking to the topless girls near the entry. They seemed like his type. I realised I took too long to reply to his offer and he might thing I have something mentally wrong with me.

"Oh sorry, sure, I'm Hailey."

From that one sentence, brought on a whole conversation of laughter and awkward silences. But I think he was the coolest guy I've possibly met all year, but I was curious why he would talk to a nobody like me. Then he sprung something lethal on me.
Chapter 2

Here is chapter one. [link]
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Again, the story continues well and I like direction its heading. I really envisioned a nice place on the side when I was reading over this. Everything is well written and fits nicely.

The biggest complaint I have though (and the reason I only gave impact a 3 1/2) Is with the interview interruptions I feel you lose some of that flow. I really don't know why, but it could be all of the sudden jumps and maybe the way some of the interviews end. Could be just me but I suggest trying to find a balance between the story and the interviews. Aside from that I really love this story and I'll gladly watch you to keep an update on how its going.

To anyone reading the critiques before reading the story. Go ahead and do it. You'll find an interesting story to be told and you won't regret it!
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Tealism Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student General Artist
One question: why is the concrete hot if you clearly stated that it was winter and cold?? ;s how can you sunbake too? Also, you're skipping from past to present tense.. its really confusing.
Anywho, loving the storyline, meerkat :D
fika-with-alice Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student Photographer
When you say that I skipped from past to present tense are you talking about when I did the recording sessions? Because I did that on purpose.

Bro, midday everyday is hot on concrete, no matter what season it is. Fact.
Tealism Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student General Artist
No, I'm talking about during the story. You move from tense to tense.
Winter in Sweden. No way. If southern australia is cold and yuck, in winter, at midday, it will be worse in Sweden. You need to plan out the weather a bit more.
fika-with-alice Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Photographer
Oh really? I do that subconciously it's a bad habit of mine. I mean, even when I read it, it sounded so normal and then I have to get someone else to proof read it until I realise.
Tealism Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student General Artist
hahah yeah.
fika-with-alice Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Photographer
I need someone to proof read my shit, or I have to read slower and more carefully. >.>
Tealism Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student General Artist
i will if you want <.<
fika-with-alice Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Photographer
Oh really? Yay! :D
ArrayOfStars Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
I think Chapter One and Two could be easily combined into one chapter. Of course, there's no rule on how long a chapter has to be.
fika-with-alice Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Photographer
I was just lazy. ahahha
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